I was thinking about this during the flight to Minnesota on Thursday.  It's funny, but, thoughts and feelings become so much clearer when you're hundreds of feet above the Earth hurtling through the sky at several hundred miles per hour in a hunk of steel so thin you can almost feel the breeze.  I sat right over the engines so there was no view of the tiny ants we call people as they blur into nothingness upon take off, suddenly rushing back into normal size as the plane plummets toward the ground turning it's nose at precisely the right moment so as not to turn it's passengers into mush on the runway and instead coming to a screeching halt on the asphalt.  The entire right there was the constant hum... well more like a roar, of those giant mechanisms keeping our plane from plummeting perilously towards the ground.  (Like the aliteration?  Yeah.  Me too.)  As stuffed my headphones in my ears and turned up the music loud enough to drown the sound, things began to seem so simple.  Everything was so far away.  It was easier to breath.  Easier to think.  Like all the problems, all the things that were stressing me could no longer touch me.  I was so far away from it all, it was like it belonged to someone else. 

  My creative side suddenly blossomed.  I started fleshing out my short film, writing furiously.  I felt like a professional screen writer.  Writing things like "Scene opens" and "main character enters".  I realized this project is going to take more than me, Molly and some garden tools.  I'll need actors.  Maybe an extra camera operator.  Kaley and Rachel can handle costume design.  They're good with that sort of thing.  Hell, Kaley took a class on the history of fashion.

  It's strange to finally have things figured out.  It seems strange that I never thought of this earlier.  It comes so naturally to me.  I always thought of things visually and I used to try and direct my dog to play Batman and Robin with me.  I realized that I've been doing this my entire life.  How could it have taken so long to figure this out?  I thought it would be a lot harder than it is to find great shots and angles, but I can find them just about anywhere.  At first it was hard to get the camera to see what I was seeing, but now, camera angles, focus and zoom seem like second nature.  I can't wait to get a job and start saving for my hv30.  I can't wait to get better editing software so I can do crazy things.  I can't wait to get to LA and start taking crazy footage of homeless people and migrant workers.

I love springtime.  It is, by far, my favorite time of year.  I love this time of year because no matter what happens, everything seems to be going my way.  I just can't help but be happy no matter how many times a day my mom lectures/yells at me.  (Also, I think she just yells at me because Kaley is gone and he has no one to fight with.  Thanks, Kaley)

I'm so excited about this Fall, right now.  Every day I think to myself "Man, I never thought this day would come, but I'm kind of an adult, now!"  I'm moving across the fucking United States and I couldn't be more excited. 

I think I've finally gotten over that stuff.  You guys know what I'm talking about.  The asshole?  The cheating bastard?  Yeah.  I'm totally over it.  Few weeks ago, I couldn't think his name without physically feeling the rage boiling in my chest, filtering through to my stomach, arms, legs, toes, fingertips.  But now, I think if I saw him on the street, I'd be able to shake his hand.  I still don't like him, but I'm done letting that hate get the best of me.  It's the worst feeling in the world, hating someone uncontrollably.  I never want to have that feeling, again.  But my sister got me through it.  She always gives the best advice. <3

Even though my mom keeps finding every excuse to lecture/yell at me almost daily for not having a job, I still can't help but be happy about everything else.  I think it makes my mom mad.  That even though I'm really stressed out about not having a job, I'm still happy and easy going.  Maybe if I was rushing around, desperately gasping for air, spreading myself to the breaking point she'd be happy, but since I'm not that type of person, since I don't let the stress get the better of me, she feels like I'm not doing enough.  Since I'm not visibly upset, she thinks I don't care.  I'm tired of telling her I am worried about getting a job.  I am worried that I'll be going to L.A. with five bucks in my pocket and no way to support myself until I find a job, there.  I really am very worried about all that.  But it's just my nature to be relaxed and easy going about it.  And though my mom can break my good mood for a day or so, nothing can keep me down long when the weather is like it is.  When the sun is shining so bright like this.

I love it.

The world is marvelous and I can't wait to get out and see it all.

You guys are all great.

I love you.

Stay happy.